Wife Rule #30

When your wife says "I have the target giftcard" she means: she has the target giftcard. When she says "you have the target giftcard" she means: you had better have the target giftcard. When she says "we have the target giftcard" she means: I think you have the target giftcard. Don't go shopping for 45 minutes and discover that neither of you has target giftcard.

Wife Rule #29

It's ok to buy something that you want...as long as you buy something of equal or greater value for your wife.

Wife Rule #28

If your wife tells you that she wants you to chase your dream then you had better start working towards your dream. If you do not she may stop supporting your pursuit of the dream.

Wife Rule #27

Small technical details are rarely of interest to a wife. Updating and upgrading the new computer may be important to you but it should be done when your wife is not arround.

Wife Rule #26

Happiness is narrowing a decision to a few options that you can live with and then letting your wife make the final decision.

Wife Rule #25

One part of getting married is making compromises, so you may get to keep your sports stuff but a lot of it might have to be put away.

Wife Rule #24

If you blog about your wife make sure you acknowledge her in your blog on her birthday. I love you honey, Happy Birthday.

Wife Rule #23

It doesn't matter how right you are, if you try to convince your wife to admit that you are right you will end up being wrong.

Wife Rule #22

Never ask your wife to try to guess what present you are getting her, she will figure it out and it will be disappointing for both of you.

Wife Rule #21

If she asks what your favorite (fill in the blank) is, then you are supposed to have a clear favorite.

Wife Rule #20

When you go out to celebrate a major milestone or accomplishment in your wife's life, the evening should probably not include sporting events, video games, or any restaraunt that has a drive through or a "to go" option.

Wife Rule #19

"Don't expect any flowers from me...because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry." Oh and here are some flowers too dear.

(Quote from Bob and Tom's The Man Song)

Wife Rule #18

Apparently in the original language "husband" means human alarm clock and the title comes with all the responsibilities of a regular alarm clock. The most important thing to know about being a human alarm clock is that your snooze timer should never be less than 5 minutes and not longer than 30.

Wife Rule #17

If your wife brings home some baggage from work always side with her even if you do not completely agree.

Wife Rule #16

Unless the husband is deathly ill, mortally wounded, or dead it is never the wife's responsiblity to get up and take the dog out in the middle of the night. If you try to ask your wife to get up and take the dog out during the middle of the night you may end up either deathly ill, mortally wounded, or dead.

Wife Rule #15

If your wife has a favorite restaurant that you only like in moderation, the wise husband would only eat at that food establishment with his wife. Even if a coworker is generously offering to treat say no, because if you accept and go to the restaurant without you wife she will be A) jealous that you went without her and B) now hungry for that restaurant which leaves the husband in the situation that was covered in Wife Rule #14.

Wife Rule #14

When asked, "where do you want to go for dinner?" the wrong answers are "I already ate" or "I'm not hungry but I will come with you to anywhere you want to go,"

Wife Rule #13

Do not start a major project at night unless it is absolutely necessary, it will get interrupted.

Wife Rule #12

If you have the choice between cleaning the house and bringing your wife lunch at work the correct action is to do both.

Wife Rule #11

Do not blog when you could be enjoying marital bliss

Wife Rule #10

If your wife makes you late for church don't get annoyed with her, just enjoy the attention that you will get when you walk in after the service has started. If you make you wife late for church...God help you.

Wife Rule #9

When your wife wants to get books that she believes will strengthen the marriage, be supportive. Trust me, it will work out for your advantage if you are engaged in this process.

Wife Rule #8

It is always a good idea to take your wife to see movies that she is excited about...it is a bad idea to be late for the movie, belittle the movie (and have her hear you or have her hear that you were belittling said movie), or try to drop your car off for repairs before said movie.

Wife Rule #7

If your wife asks you to tape the season finale of her favorite show, don't try to tape it on the same VCR that messed the tape up the night before...even if you thought you fixed it. Make sure you set a backup.

Wife Rule #6

While pet names are cute and fun they do not replace the use of your wife's real given name.

Wife Rule #5

Being supportive to you wife's needs and interacting with her in a humble non-defensive way can defuse an argument and restore the balance of a relationship.

Wife Rule #4

If your wife says that she wants to reach a certain milestone in a video game before you, it is not an invitation to friendly competition, it is an ultimatum that you must not reach that point before her.

Wife Rule #3

Video game purchases (systems, games, controllers, magazines, subscriptions, gadgets, etc) are only acceptable with the expressed consent of your wife, and will only be warmly received if the video game is either A) earned through hard work and sacrifice, B) is something that has extreme long term returns, or C) if it is a game your wife wants and if she will play as much or more than you.

Wife Rule #2

Sometimes losing the small battle will let you win the war.

Wife Rule #1

Wives are a big responsibility so make sure you are up for this lifetime commitment before you get one.