Friday, July 31, 2009

Wife Rule #91

If you are going to make dinner for your wife make sure you make something that she likes.

The other day I had to get up early to make dinner for my wife. I had to put it in the crock pot to cook all day so that when she got home from work it would be perfect. I had two options for what to make: beef stew or pot roast. I choose beef stew. Mistake!

I knew my wife did not like beef stew. But I assumed that because the beef stew recipe was almost identical to the pot roast recipe that it would not matter. Wrong, it did matter and my wife had to make herself something else for dinner. Oops.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Wife Rule #90

Don't try to blame gaseous releases on the dog.

While I have been raised to be a gentleman about things like this, occasionally things do slip. It is better to take responsiblity for it and take your lumps than pass it off on the dog.

Sure she may be polite and not say anything, but she will know the truth. It will only be a matter of time before you hear about it if you try and blame the dog.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Wife Rule #89

Don't scare your wife when she is in the shower.

I am a jokester. It runs in my family and it runs in my wife's family so you would think she would be used to it. And in all fairness she has been very good about my jokes and pranks at her expense, mainly because I do them in the privacy of our home or when we are with families.

My latest jokes have all centered around the shower. We have a statue in the bathroom which has peeked over the top of the shower curtain much to her surprise. I have run hot water in the sink in the kitchen to make the shower cold, and she has been very good about these.

What she did not handle well was my reenactment of psycho. I snuck in and threw open the shower and she freaked out. She did not know if she had stepped on the curtain and ripped it, or if the shower curtain was falling, and seeing me suddenly appear pushed her just a little too far.

So after a heartfelt apology, she actually started laughing and was ok with it. I kissed her and closed the curtain so she could finish her shower. Of course before I left, I discretely turned the water in the shower to cold...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Wife Rule #88

When discussing potential hobbies to pursue, be honest.

If you are going to pursue something as a hobby you will have to spend a lot of time doing it. So be honest about your likes and dislikes. However you still have to be flexible and willing to try new things. Try a few new things before you make a decision and make sure you honestly tell your wife if you really love or really hate something.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Wife Rule #87

When you wife asks, "what is wrong with me today" during a bad day, she (probably) is not looking for an answer.

Yes I should have known better, but sometimes it is hard to tell when she wants an answer and when she is just expressing frustration.

There are times that your wife will actually want your opinion, but most of the time she is just frustrated and venturing an opinion will actually make things worse. A good rule of thumb? If she asks what do you think is going on then answer but be sensitive and constructive.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Wife Rule #86

If it is raining it is not your wife's job to take the dog out.

In the mornings our dog will do number one and number two before we go to work so normally my wife will take her out to do number one because it only takes the dog a second to finish her business. When it comes to number two our dog likes to circle and sniff for several minutes.

This morning when my wife and I got up it was raining. We both had to work so the dog would be locked up all day so she needed to go out. I needed to get to work first so I decided to take the dog out and let her go number one and then I asked my wife to take her out again to do number two.

When I took the dog out it was sprinkling rain and I thought that it would rain harder later but I thought we could both make it to work before the rain really started. Well as I was driving to work, it started pouring and I immediately felt guilty about setting my wife up for a thorough soaking right before work.

I should have been the one to take that hit, but I selfishly did not. It could have been bad, but fortunately my wife made it out with the dog just before the rain started so I was off the hook

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Wife Rule #85

Don't leave important things in your wife's car.

I am an aspiring writer. I have been working on a fantasy book series since my freshman year of high school. Originally I used the writing to help me deal with teen angst, but over time it evolved into a story. I have been slowly adding to the story and developing the characters for almost ten years now and it was all hand written and kept in an old beat up notebook.

I have been slowly typing my notes for months and I had kept my notebook in my backpack while I was going to school so I could type them up in between classes. When I finished school I cleaned out m backpack and left my notes in my car. Then we had to bring my car into the shop (see Wife Rule #8) I had to quickly transfer everything in my car into my wife's car. Then we got busy and I forgot that my notes were in still in her car.

Two days before we left to go to Chicago we cleaned out the cars. I cleaned out my car and my wife cleaned out her car and, you guessed it, my notes wound up in the garbage. I was mad, my wife was mortified, but the damage was done and there was no getting the notes back. So there were too lessons to be learned, keep inportant things in well maintained storage spaces and don't leave important things in your wife's car.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Wife Rule #84

Don't leave important things in old and beat up containers.

Looking for the details? Check back tomorrow!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Wife Rule #83

Don't throw away your wife's leftovers.

My wife and I argue about one thing more than anything else. Is it finances? No. Whether or not we want kids? No. Where we will live after we finish our Masters degrees? Nope. We argue about food. I have food allergies and and a sensitive stomach. She does not eat red meat and likes to adventure eat. I don't mind eating my favorites over and over, she wants variety. I will throw together whatever we have in the house, she wants planned meals. I think you get the picture.

The one thing we agree on (at least when it comes to food) is Olive Garden. We both enjoy Olive Garden and the other night we went out for dinner at Olive Garden and after a delightful meal my wife brought home her leftovers with the plan of having them for lunch the next day.

Well we were going to be leaving for the ALA conference so we hadn't gone shopping in a while, and right before lunch I decided to clean out the fridge so that all of the old food would not sit and stink while we were gone. Well in the midst of my fridge cleaning fervor I accidentally threw away her leftovers with everything else. A huge fight ensued and I still hear about it almost 3 weeks later.

So please listen to me, don't throw out your wife's leftovers.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wife Rule #82

Don't get frustrated when she tries to stuff you vacation full of plans.

My wife and I just got back from a vacation to see my family and go to the ALA conference. But before we left I was getting frustrated by her planning activities that did not involve being with my family. We had a couple of big arguments about it, because we both wanted the same thing but were taking two different paths to get there.

The fact of the matter is part of the fun of vacation is doing things you do not normally do. You can relax at home, so enjoy doing fun things on vacation. And if you are spending time with your family, keep in mind she probably wants to see them just as much as you do. That is, if your wife loves your family like mine does.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Wife Rule #81

If your wife does something that she feels bad about, teasing her is OK but know when to stop.

One of my wife's number one goals during the ALA conference was to get an Advanced Readers Copy of Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. However she was overwhelmed by the size and scope of the conference and did not arrive at the correct booth in time to get one.

So in my infinite wisdom I spent the rest of the weekend teasing her.

Yes she laughed at first, and did not even mind when the joke was starting to grow old, since she was at an event that held her enraptured. For four days I was able to get away with it, but as soon as we left and I teased her she started to become cross. You have to know where the line is and realize that the line changes based on the situation.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Wife Rule #80

It doesn't matter if you have ADD, if you are standing in line on your wife's behalf don't leave.

Another adventure from ALA. I have ADD I cannot focus on anything for long. But the worst thing to me is standing or sitting still. At ALA there were a lot of long lines for book signings and other things. Because I was there as an extension of my wife I was expected to wait in these lines for her while she went about other business.

So I waited in line shifting from one foot to the other, shrugging my shoulders, looking around, whistling, singing to myself, chatting with others, and all in all being a general nuisance to those around me. But I got the things she wanted and her happy smile made it all worth the wait. Kind of.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Wife Rule #79

When your wife is excited about doing something it does not matter if you are sick. If you can stand you are going.

My wife was at the ALA conference this weekend and for two of the days I was supposed to go with her. On the morning of the first day I woke up feeling terrible, but i knew she was excited about me going with her so I sucked it up and went.

It was terrible. I felt so sick, but I did not want to ruin the day for her so I put on a stiff upper lip and she had a great time. She mentioned several times how much it meant to her for me to be there so my (semi)silent suffering definitely got noticed.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Wife Rule #78

If your wife has to wake up early, so do you.

This weekend my wife and I traveled to Chicago to visit my family. While we were there she went to the American Library Association Annual Conference for work. Each day she had to wake up at 6 AM in order to make the hour drive downtown and I got up with her each morning to see her off.

Even though my waking up served no real purpose, (we hit the snooze timer and woke up too late for me to maker her breakfast, and she really only had time to get ready and leave so its not like she even really got to see me) she really appreciated me making the effort to see her off.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Wife Rule #77

Do not leave packing until the day that you are leaving on a trip.

One of the things that I love about my wife is that she will start packing for a trip a couple days in advance. I however do not. I like to pack the last 10 minutes before we leave. I can't help it I obsess that if I pack in advance I will forget something. Of course I always forget something anyway, but my mental sanity depends on being able to pack the day of.

This habit annoys my wife. She will be packed and waiting to go while I am scrambling around the house looking for my Ipod. This is not to say that I am bad at packing or I am incapable of packing in advance, it is just hard on my OCD to do so.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Wife Rule #76

She did not marry you for your ability to quote movies and TV shows.

I am a quoter. I love quoting my favorite lines from movies and TV shows. I also enjoy enjoy doing really bad impressions. But my wife does not normally find these quotes as funny as I do. In fact she often becomes annoyed by my quoting. However, worse that just quoting is when I say something without citing where it is from. If she thinks that something I frequently say is my original quote and the she finds out that it is not she is not only disappointed by my lack of originality but she is also disappointed by my lack of wit.

A great example of this was a quote I frequently say about Yertle the Turtle. I call it, "possibly the best book ever written on the subject of turtle stacking." Then when we were watching the Simpsons and Lisa said a similar thing, I was busted and fessed up to taking that quote from both the Simpsons and Full House(which has another similar quote on the same subject.)

The solution may be to start small and try to go a whole weekend without quoting anything. We did this one weekend when we were still dating and she was so impressed with my natural humor that it actually took a long time for me to start quoting things again.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Wife Rule #75

Always listen to the wisdom of your mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law has been the greatest supporter of my blog from day 1. OK, not really day 1 because she did not start reading it until day 7 or 8. But she was always very supportive of the idea, even though I am blogging about my relationship with her daughter. However, she has always had one criticism, my posts were not long enough. She wanted more information on how the wife rule had come about. Well from now on the wife rules will have a the story behind each one, so I hope you enjoy them.

And to my Mother-In-Law,
thanks Mom

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Wife Rule #74

If your wife is better than you at something you both do swallow your pride and listen to her advice.

Curious as to what this means? Check back tomorrow.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Wife Rule #73

Marriage sometimes takes sacrifices. Is it worth a huge fight to protect your 30 VHS movies from being given away? Probably not.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Wife Rule #72

Don't brag that you can do something better than your wife. If you can, she will not appreciate being reminded of your superior skill, and if it turns out you can't you will never live it down.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Wife Rule #71

If she drops a birth control pill down a chair just have her take the next probably will not find the one she dropped and even if you do if will probably not be in edible condition.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Wife Rule #70

Sleep watching ESPN at 5 in the morning does not go over well

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Wife Rule #69

Inform your wife if you are going to sleep out in the living room, or she might get worried when you never come to bed.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Wife Rule #68

Do not try to force your wife to play fantasy football or she will resent football all together if she has a bad season.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Wife Rule #67

Cleaning house is a team effort and like any team you have the players on the field and the manager who calls the shots. You are not the manager, she is.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Wife Rule #66

Always check the expiration date on your medication, because your wife will be annoyed and worried if you are still actively taking medication that has been expired for a decade.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Wife Rule #65

Making up after a huge fight is awesome.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Wife Rule #64

When celebrating Independence Day with her family enjoy yourself without pointing out the irony that you are imprisoned by her families holiday plans.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Wife Rule #63

If you are going to your favorite restaurant for the second time in a week, you had better expect to go to her favorite store and then her favorite restaurant within the next week.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Wife Rule #62

Sometimes getting nagged is exactly what you need.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wife Rule #61

When your wife tells you that she wants you to buy frozen dinners for her to take to work, and then reminds you that she likes the frozen dinners with turkey, she does not mean to buy her 25 frozen turkey dinners.
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