Wife Rule #128

Stop writing Wife Rules and focus on your real writing.

This will be my last wife rule for a while. I am going to be focusing on my large book writing projects and my new writing blog. So of you want to follow me there I would be thrilled to have you. The blog is Writing Myself Crazy and you can find it at http://writingmyselfcrazy.blogspot.com

Computer Problems

I am not back on vacation.  My internet is down.  Hopefully it will be back soon.

Wife Rule #27 Revisit

Small technical details are rarely of interest to a wife. Updating and upgrading the new computer may be important to you but it should be done when your wife is not arround.


After my wife got her new computer she of course wanted to use it.  I wanted to make sure everything was up to date and protected.  This lead to conflict when I tried to install updates during a time that she was needing to use it.
 
I won the conflict by appleaing to her logic and telling her that a little maintainance now would save more time later.  She begrudgingly agreed but reminded me that I could update the computer while she was at work.  So now I do.

Wife Rule #127

If you get up to use the restroom during the middle of the night, still close the door.

My poor wife walked in on me in the middle of the night while I was using the restroom.  Now in her defense in the middle of the night I normally leave the lights off so I don't have to stumble around blind and I leave the bedroom and bathroom doors open because our dog does not like it if one of us leaves the bedroom without her being able to follow.  I was trying to keep the dog from waking her up.

Well she woke up anyway, and it is bad enough to walk in on someone when you are alert, but when you are dazed and sleepy...its a nightmare.

Wife Rule #26 Revisit

Happiness is narrowing a decision to a few options that you can live with and then letting your wife make the final decision.

When we were looking for a new computer for my wife I knew that I would have to live with her choice for a long time.  So I went to work doing my homework on a bunch of different brands and models and when I was finished I have about a half dozen laptops that I was satified with.

My wife and I looked at the laptops and even though she did not pick my favorite, I was pleased that she got one that I could live with.  The bonus was that she was pleased that she got to make the decision.

Wife Rule #126

Don't try to change the alarm clock setting during the middle of the night.

The other night my wife and I set our alarm and went to sleep.  During the middle of the night I remembered that I would have to get up a bit earlier in the morning so, while still half asleep, I tried to update the alarm to be 30 minutes earlier.

We did not wake up 30 minutes earlier than planned, we work up nearly two hours later than planned.  Why? Because in my sleepy haze I did not finish setting the alarm.  When we woke up the timer was still blinking 8:45 AM, meaning that I did not turn the alarm back on.

Vacation

Hello Loyal Readers,

The Wife Rules will be taking a couple weeks off. I have been an amazing husband lately and have very little to learn. Check back with me on 9/25 and I will have new posts for you.

Wife Rule #125

If you are making a life altering decision, consult your wife.

Sometimes you have to make a snap decision and you maynot be able to get a hold of your wife. In this case you should probably not make the decision to change your life. It is not enough to take your wife's implied consent and use that to make life altering decisions.

Wife Rule #25 Revisit

One part of getting married is making compromises, so you may get to keep your sports stuff but a lot of it might have to be put away.

When my wife first moved in she complained that our new home looked like a dorm room.  The problem is that right now we just have a one bedroom apartment so we don;t have any place to put any extra stuff.

This means I have had to constantly defend and then move the wall hanging that are important to me while my wife battles to female up the apartment.

Wife Rule #124

If you wife will let you have the guys over, make sure that you acknowledge her sacrifice.

My wife is working on her masters degree but she has granted me permission to have the guys over to watch football whenever the Bears are on national tv. She cheerfully agreed to lock herself in the bedroom to do homework so that the guys and I can enjoy the game without worrying about her studying. So make sure that you not only acknowledge her sacrifice to her, but to your friends as well.

Wife Rule #24 Revisit

If you blog about your wife make sure you acknowledge her in your blog on her birthday. I love you honey, Happy Birthday.

It is not my wife's birthday today but this rule is just a reminder to remember her birthday, get her nice things, and make sure everyone else acknowledges her special day too.

Wife Rule #123

If your wife encourages your sports watching, be appreciative.

My wife has given me permission to have the boys over any time that the Chicago Bears are on National Television. She is awesome and I am giving her major appreciation on my blog.

Wife Rule #23 Revisit

It doesn't matter how right you are, if you try to convince your wife to admit that you are right you will end up being wrong.

Yes there are going to be times when your wife will know that you are right about something but will not want to to admit it. Your response should not be to try to get her to admit it or else you will end up in more hot water than you would have been if you were wrong. I cannot remember the exact situation that occured before I wrote this rule, but this is some thing that I have needed to work on. But you still will not get in as much trouble as trying to get your wife to admit she was wrong.

Wife Rule #122

Teamwork: it worked in kindergarten, it works in marriage too.

Tonight my wife and I hosted our first big event since we got married. We had twelve people come over for dinner and small group. The night was a success and we really enjoyed the experience.

It was so enjoyable because we worked together. We took turns cleaning parts of the house during the week. Then today she worked while I finished everything at the house. On her way home she bought pizza and I cooked them when she got home. She was the charming hostess and I monitored the food and drink situation.

Teamwork, what a wonderful thing to have in a marriage.

Wife Rule #22 Revisit

Never ask your wife to try to guess what present you are getting her, she will figure it out and it will be disappointing for both of you.

I think I give pretty good gifts, but my wife likes to try to figure out what I am getting her ahead of time. Normally she is pretty good at it, but leading up to her birthday I really had her stumped. This made me pretty smug so I kept teasing her about not knowing what I was getting her.

Finally she got frustrated and I was so confident that I gave her a hint. This lead to her guessing it and ruining the surprise.

She was disappointed because she guessed it, I was disappointed because I lost the opportunity to surprise her with a cool gift, but I guess it does not really matter because I did not end up getting her that gift anyway.

Wife Rule #121

Decorating should be a team effort.

Tonight we are hosting a small group and all of our friends are coming over to our apartment for the first time since we have been married. This has made my wife nervous because she says out apartment looks like a college dorm at least or a bachelor pad at best.

This meant that last night we were at the store getting new wall hanging. It took a while, but we found some that we both like and then came home to redecorate.

I have to admit I like the change in the living room. Next up is the bedroom...you know...next time we have people over...maybe

Wife Rule #21 Revisit

If she asks what your favorite (fill in the blank) is, then you are supposed to have a clear favorite.

Ok here is the dirt on this rule. While this rule holds true for most things, this particular rule is referencing lingerie. Leading up to and just after our wedding, my wife spend a good amount of money buying sexy lingerie. Now she asks which one is my favorite. I like them all and I really don't have a favorite, but a line like, "I love them all why don't you pick the one that you think is sexiest and wear that," does not fly.

Wife Rule #120

Let your wife win once in a while.

My wife and I love board games. Right now our favorites are Ticket to Ride, Quarkle, and Stratego. However I am really good at strategy games and I tend to win. This often makes m wife not want to play with me because she hates losing.

I am extremely competitive, and I have a hard time turning that off even when I am playing against my wife. If I don't learn to stop she will not play with me anymore

Wife Rule #20 Revisit

When you go out to celebrate a major milestone or accomplishment in your wife's life, the evening should probably not include sporting events, video games, or any restaraunt that has a drive through or a "to go" option.

This one is pretty self explainitory, but in our particular case the restaraunt in question is Friday's. I love Friday's and I like to go there to celebrate major milestones. My wife however does not like Friday's and when she got her all A grades back from her first semester of masters work she wanted to celebrate.

I suggested Friday's, she suggested that I stuff my suggestion. We went to Olive Garden and everyone was happy.

Wife Rule #119

Don't expect your wife to be as passionate about sports as you are.

My wife pointed out to me the other day that there is some type of sporting event on our TV all the time. She said, "you wake up and watch Sportscenter and First Take, then you play Xbox 360 Madden or Baseball, then you watch sporting events, and then you watch Sportcenter at the end of the night. Can we have less sports on TV?"

I immediately got defensive, but later I realized that she was right. Now my wife likes sports and she will even engage in watching the Cubs and Bears and playing foootball on the xbox now and then, but she has her limits. I have to remember to not to get upset because it is not fair to expect her to be as passionate as I am about sports.

Wife Rule #19 Revisit

"Don't expect any flowers from me...because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry." Oh and here are some flowers too dear. (Quote from Bob and Tom's The Man Song)

I call this the "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" rule. Just because you are married does not mean all of the fun little gifts that you used to get her when you were dating should stop. But at the same time now that you are married you will probably be expected to give larger and nicer gifts in addition to the small fun gifts that you had given earlier.

The nice thing is that the reverse is also true so you may get from your wife both a steak dinner and a new dvd player instead of just the steak dinner.

Wife Rule #118

Don't suggest adding 5-6 hours on top of an already large trip.

My wife and I have recently returned from a trip from Texas. Before we left I recommended a trip to Kansas City to drop off our dog with my wife's parents. It made our trip easier, but it also added a lot of extra travel to our trip.

Besides the longer time in the car, and the fact that we did not make it to Texas until 3:30 in the morning, the fact that we were exhausted by the time we arrived and had very little time to sleep on our trip, lead to a tough trip.

Wife Rule #18 Revisit

Apparently in the original language "husband" means human alarm clock and the title comes with all the responsibilities of a regular alarm clock. The most important thing to know about being a human alarm clock is that your snooze timer should never be less than 5 minutes and not longer than 30.

This rule get enforced most mornings and took several mornings to perfect. Find what works for your wife and enjoy your new career.

Wife Rule #117

Fantasy football is not the most important thing in the world.

I know it sounds like blasphemy but it is true. Your wife's feelings, goals, and needs are much more important. Be smart about fantasy football, schedule your work on your team around what your wife wants to do. And if there is something unavoidable like the draft that is on a fixed time, make sure that you do lots of great things for your wife.

I did. That is why when the Internet crapped out at our hotel, first she drove me around the city looking for free wifi, and then let me sit in the car in front of another hotel for an hour and a half so I could use their Internet to do my draft

Wife Rule #17 Revisit

If your wife brings home some baggage from work always side with her even if you do not completely agree.

In marriage council our minister told us that marriage is like a fight. It is a fight with the man and has wife as tagteam partners fighting a handicapped match against the rest of the word. Your wife has to feel and believe that you are on her side regardless of how right or wrong she may be. You have to support each other and then if needed discuss it later, after the emotions have cooled.

Wife Rule #116

If your wife wants you to travel with her, go regardless of the personal cost to you.

My wife had to go to a 4 day class in Texas, and even though I had a fantasy football draft, work, school, and plans to hang out with friends, I cancelled them (or rearranged them) to be able to go on the trip with my wife.

This paid huge dividends into the good husband box. Not only did I get to call most of the shots for the whole trip, I got to spend an amazing stress free weekend with my wife, and I got other benefits as well.

Yes it was a sacrifice, but in the end the greatest sacrifices reap the greatest rewards

Wife Rule #16 Revisit

Unless the husband is deathly ill, mortally wounded, or dead it is never the wife's responsiblity to get up and take the dog out in the middle of the night. If you try to ask your wife to get up and take the dog out during the middle of the night you may end up either deathly ill, mortally wounded, or dead.

Our dog has learned an annoying habit. She like to wake us up to go to the bathroom at least once each night. This is good because she is not messing in the house. This is bad because I never get a full night sleep.

One night I asked my wife to take her out. That was a mistake. Another night when I was under the weather I asked my wife to take her out. That was less of a mistake. Then one night when I was legitimately sick I was going to take the dog out and my wife told me to stay asleep and that she would take our dog out.

Hence, wife rule #16

Wife Rule #115

If you wife feels sick, do everything you can for her.

My wife was sick the other night. i spent a lot of time running around and getting everything that she required. Then I passed on my planned activities to care for her.

You should always do this. Always!

Wife Rule #15 Revisit

If your wife has a favorite restaurant that you only like in moderation, the wise husband would only eat at that food establishment with his wife. Even if a coworker is generously offering to treat say no, because if you accept and go to the restaurant without you wife she will be A) jealous that you went without her and B) now hungry for that restaurant which leaves the husband in the situation that was covered in Wife Rule #14.

I went to m wife's favorite restaurant with a coworker. Of course when I went home my wife wanted to go to her favorite restaurant and I said I did not want to. She got upset and asked me how I would feel if she went out to my favorite restaurant without me.

My reply of ok as long as your brought me something back did not help

Wife Rule #114

Bribery sometimes works.

I like to bribe my wife with books, bookselves, and mexican food. Find out what will work for your wife and use it sparingly.

Wife Rule #14 Revisit

When asked, "where do you want to go for dinner?" the wrong answers are "I already ate" or "I'm not hungry but I will come with you to anywhere you want to go,"

My wife and I argue over food frequently. But sometimes one of us will be in the mood to go eat whatever the other wants. One night when my wife was in this kind of mood I had decided to eat early. She was upset by this and even though I volunteered to come with her to dinner she refused. Dinner is a special time that renews a relationship and part of that is actually eating together.

Wife Rule #113

If your wife's alarm does not go off, it is your job to wake her up.

This sounds similar to two other wife rules, but really the back ground is that there is no excuse for not waking your wife up if you are already of bed. Losing track of the time while playing video games will not save you and will make things worse.

Wife Rule #13 Revisit

Do not start a major project at night unless it is absolutely necessary, it will get interrupted.

I love projects, but I want to finish them if I start them. The other night i started a major reorganization project of our important papers. This would have been lauded by my wife if I had not started the project at 9 PM. Eventually my wife wanted me to come to bed, but I did not want to give up on my project yet. Long story short: I went to bed and I learned to start my projects earlier.

Wife Rule #112

Make sure someone sets that alarm.

Yesterday my wife woke up 10 minutes before she had to go to work. We had both thought about setting the alarm the night before and both of us assumed the other had done it.

The worst part was that I had woken up about 2 hours earlier and lost track of time and did not wake her up either. Which if you have read Wife Rule #18 you know it is the husband's job to wake up his wife.

Wife Rule #12 Revisit

If you have the choice between cleaning the house and bringing your wife lunch at work the correct action is to do both.

I am only working part time right now, so I have time on my hands during the day to clean the house and look for work.

One day my wife called and said that she forgot her lunch at home and asked if I could bring it to her. On this particular day I had a big cleaning project in progress so I told her I was not sure that I could bring it. She said that it was ok she would just get something from the cafe at work but she was just looking forward to her lunch that she forgot.

Once she said that I got in the car and took her lunch over to her. She wass so happy. Then I came home and finished the cleaning. Needless to say when my wife got home she was tickled pink.

Wife Rule #111

Acknowledge your wife's accomplishments.

My wife has been nominated for awards in three categories for Book Blogger Appreciation Week. She has been nominated in the categories of Best YA Book Blog, Best Reviewer, and Best Writer. Please go to her site and congratulate her and keep posted here to find out when you can vote for her.

Wife Rule #11 Revisit

Do not blog when you could be enjoying marital bliss.

If you need this explained you should go have "that talk" with your parents.

Wife Rule #10 Revisit

If your wife makes you late for church don't get annoyed with her, just enjoy the attention that you will get when you walk in after the service has started. If you make you wife late for church...God help you.

I hate to be late. Particularly when going to church I hate to be late. The first week back at church after our wedding, I had planned to be early, but my wife would not get out of bed so we wound up getting to Sunday school about 10 minutes late and when we walked in we had to endure the subtle jokes about being newlyweds and being late.

My wife loved it. She loved the center of attention and she loved being recognize for being a beautiful bride. That joy turned into rewards for me later.

So enjoy the extra attention when your wife makes you late for church. Just keep in mind if she WANTS to be there on time and you make HER late, you will be "disciplined". ;-)

Wife Rule #110

When shopping for furniture, if you and your wife cannot agree on style at first don't get frustrated.

Furniture decisions are important. Unless you have lots of disposable income the furniture you but will have to last you 5-10 years. This is why you need to take your time and keep cool when shopping for furnature.

When my wife and I went shopping I got frustrated with her because she only really liked the really expensive uncomfortable couches and loveseats. I was for interested in finding couches that were affordable and comfortable. So going to store after store we would argue about what to buy.

But finally we found the couches that we wanted and got them at a good price. But it could have been a much mroe fun experience had I not gotten so frustrated.

Wife Rule #9 Revisit

When your wife wants to get books that she believes will strengthen the marriage, be supportive. Trust me, it will work out for your advantage if you are engaged in this process.

My wife wanted to get a bunch of couple devotionals after we got married. I was resistant to this because a lot of them were written for people who were adjusting to getting to have sex. My wife and I did not feel like we needed those types of devotionals so it knocked out a lot of the newly wed section.

I was resistant to the idea the whole time because we had devotionals at home already, and because I resented looking in the newly wed section and being among the books that spend so much time communicating that its ok to have sex. (Something that does not bother me.)

After a lot of search we found a devotional that we thought we could stomach. And finding it gave my wife some peace and comfort about how we were starting our marriage. Her comfort led to better things for me.

Wife Rule #109

When going shopping for furniture, now what you want but be flexible on color choices.

My wife and I have had a living room color scheme picked out since we started registering for wedding gifts. However, when we went furniture shopping the other day we could not find a couch in the color that we wanted. That was not a deal breaker because we were both flexible. After trips to seven stores we found a great deal on a couch and a loveseat that we now love.

Wife Rule #8 Revisit

It is always a good idea to take your wife to see movies that she is excited about...it is a bad idea to be late for the movie, belittle the movie (and have her hear you or have her hear that you were belittling said movie), or try to drop your car off for repairs before said movie.

My wife is a trekker. She loves Star Trek and the movie that came out this summer was perhaps the most exciting event of the summer for her. Of course we had to go to the first show on the opening night of Star Trek and she wanted to arrive early to watch the other trekkers as well as the previews.

There were two problems, first we both had to work until right before the movie started, and second, we needed to bring my car in for repairs.

After we got off work we rushed to to car place to drop my car off, but I had forgotten to empty everything out of my car ahead of time. So we were standing in the Midas parking lot while I am frantically emptying me car while my wife is yelling at me and fretting that we will be late.

Finally, I shoved my book notes (see wife rule #85) into her backseat, and we took off for the movie. We arrived 10 minutes before the first preview and my wife got everything she wanted. The problem remained not because she did miss them but that she MIGHT have missed those things.

Oh and if your wife is excited about a movie, don't make fun of it. I made fun of it with her dad and she was rather put out.

Wife Rule #108

If you have the money and your wife wants to buy a Tivo, GO GO GO!

I have been drooling over a Tivo for a long time. Yesterday my wife looked over at me and said, I think we should go get a Tivo. I immediately jumped up took the dog out and rushed my wife to Best Buy where we gladly handed over the money for our shiny new DVR.

You have to go fast because you do not want your wife to over think it and change her mind.

I acted quickly, and when we got home (after the 3 hours it took to install our new system) we enjoyed picture perfect digital recordings of some of our favorite shows.

Wife Rule #7 Revisit

If your wife asks you to tape the season finale of her favorite show, don't try to tape it on the same VCR that messed the tape up the night before...even if you thought you fixed it. Make sure you set a backup.

I am pretty good around the house at fixing electronic things. And I like to think that we have a respectable amount of electronics even though we still use VHS to tape TV shows. Well we had been watching a show on Wednesday nights and on one particular Wednesday we both had to work so I taped it. When we got off, we found that the VCR had reverted to daylight savings time while we were at work and so we had taped the news instead of our show and we noticed that the tape that we were using was starting to deteriorate.

So I fixed the VCR to the proper time and I fast forwarded the tape past the damaged section. Now confident that we would be able to tape my wife's favorite show then next night I set the timer and went to bed.

The next day seemed to go off without a hitch until we got home and the same thing had happened. I had missed taping the season finale! When my wife got home I confessed and she was mad that I did not set a backup. I admitted that I should have, and we did end up catching the season finale on hulu.com so that made up for my blunder.

Wife Rule #107

If you say you are going to start working out, do it.

About a month ago I told my wife that I was going to start waking up early and go for a job everyday at 6 AM. And everyday for the last month I have been sleeping to at least seven and only going for walks with the dog a couple times a week.

If you tell your wife you are going to do something you need to do it. If you tell her you are going to work out you need to make sure you do it so that she will not be doubly disappointed when you turn out to be a couch potato rather than someone who is working on turning themselves into a hot tamale.

So get up and go work out...well, maybe tomorrow.

Wife Rule #6 Revisit

While pet names are cute and fun they do not replace the use of your wife's real given name.

The other night my wife commented that I do not use her name enough. I call her babe, sweetie, honey, and beautiful a lot, but I rarely call her by her given name. In fact she played a bunch of voicemails that I had left her and every single one started with a pet name. (except for the one that started with a very elegant, "hey")

Needless so say I have started using her given name more.

Another drawback to only using pet names is that your wife will have a harder time adjusting to her new last name. My wife's sage advice to me was this, "you need to tell me: I love you, and use my new full name at least once a day so that I can get used to it."

Wife Rule #106

If your wife gets you a video game, play it...a lot.

This is a classic catch 22, your wife gets you a video game but you get tired of playing it or you have other games that you are more interested in at the moment. If you play the game you will resent the lost hours that could have been spent on the games that you are currently more interested in. If you do not play the game, your wife will be upset that you do not like her gift and will distance herself from your hobby. So what do you do.

You play the game your wife got you but only when she is arround. Yes it may be a little onerous at times to have to stop blasting your way through Gears of War II just because you wife is getting off of work in 10 minutes, but it will be worth your while. Once you beat the game you are free and clear, or you can accidently leave it at your parents house when you go to visit.

Wife Rule #5 Revisit

Being supportive to you wife's needs and interacting with her in a humble non-defensive way can defuse an argument and restore the balance of a relationship.

Some days around the office are rough and your wife may bring her work home with her. On these days your mistakes might escalate what is already a bad situation. They key is in how you respond. If you respond in a humble way and support your wife, even if you disagree, you can turn a potentially bad situation into a win.

And if you feel the need to express your dissenting opinion, you can do so later. You know, like on your death bed.

Wife Rule #105

Remember what gifts your wife has gotten you.

This is a simple rule with two major applications. First, remember the gifts your wife has given you over the course of your relationship. This sounds simple but it really is not once all of the Christmas, anniversary, and birthday gifts start to add up over the years. Still quantity is not an excuse for forgetfulness. When your wife asks you what your favorite gift that she got you is, an answer like "I love them all" will not cut it.

The second application is to remember what gifts your wife did NOT get you. It is never good to attribute to your wife a gift that she did not get you. This is particularly important if the gift came from an ex girlfriend.

Wife Rule #4 Revisit

If your wife says that she wants to reach a certain milestone in a video game before you, it is not an invitation to friendly competition, it is an ultimatum that you must not reach that point before her.

This was the first major mistake I made in our marriage. We got a Wii with Wii Fit as a wedding gift from our coworkers and my wife loved it. She was really good, particularly at the heading soccer balls game. She had become so good that she had knocked my scores off of the top ten scoreboard in the game. She had even come within one or two balls of a perfect score.

During a break from playing she said that she wanted to be the first one to get a perfect score on the game. I told her that I would beat her to it and she said that I had better not.

Now, I did not really think I would get a perfect score before her, but I took her statement as a challenge and started to focus on getting better. I had gotten a couple scores back in the top ten, but still had not come close to getting perfect. Then I did, on my last try before her turn. I was laughing, she was steaming mad.

She was not trying to get me to compete with her, she was telling me that she wanted to get the perfect score first. Lesson learned.

Wife Rule #104

Don't give you wife false hope about getting a house.

My wife and I have been considering buying or renting a house for some time. We have found several that we have loved. However, it is probably not the best time for us to buy right now so all of our preparation and excitement went for nothing. This disappointed my wife and I was urged not to get her all excited about a house again unless there was a good chance we could get it.

Then a possible rental house came around. It was owned by a friend of a friend, just at the top end of our price range, and it was beautiful. I told my wife about it and she got excited and we took pictures and were about to set up a time to meet with the owner, when we found out a couple things about the house that were deal breakers. My wife and I were both crushed and of course I got the brunt of my wife's displeasure since she had asked me not to get her excited about a house until it was a sure thing.

Wife Rule #3 Revisit

Video game purchases (systems, games, controllers, magazines, subscriptions, gadgets, etc) are only acceptable with the expressed consent of your wife, and will only be warmly received if the video game is either A) earned through hard work and sacrifice, B) is something that has extreme long term returns, or C) if it is a game your wife wants and if she will play as much or more than you.

This is a complex rule with a simple premise. If you get a new job you will probably be alright getting yourself a video game. If you work all week on a project around the house, you can probably get a new video game. If the game is Fable II then you can probably get it because your wife will enjoy it as much if not more than you do.

This rule is void if you do something stupid.

Wife Rule #103

Don't lock your dog in the bedroom while your wife is asleep inside.

My wife and I often go to bed at the same time. But most nights we will not go right to sleep. Sometimes, we will "Mike and Carol Brady it" (aka read in bed) or we might cuddle and watch a TV show on DVD (usually The Simpsons). When these or other activities are concluded I often will get back out of bed and go play video games or watch Sportcenter because I tend to work in the evening and so I like going to bed latter.

Generally, our dog loves to sleep on my side of the bed, and is content with cuddling up with my wife until I come in to bed. However, she likes to have to option to freely travel back and forth between my wife and I. If I absent mindedly close the door our wonderful puppy will wait about 20 minutes and then wake my wife up to let her out of the room. Needless to say this does not make my wife very happy and so it is best not to lock your dog in with your sleeping wife.

Wife Rule #2 Revisit

Sometimes losing the small battle will let you win the war.

To be honest I cannot remember the exact situation that this rule refers to. However the principle is sound. There have been many times that I have conceded on a small issue so that I could win a larger one. For example (and I think this was the basis for this rule) I wanted a new TV for the bedroom. My wife wanted one too but was not sure that we should spend a lot on a new one she thought we should borrow one from her family. I agreed and said we should not spend a lot of money on a new tv for the bedroom, but instead we should move our living room TV into the the bedroom and get a new bigger living room TV. She said no we should get a smaller TV for the bedroom but we could get it new. I agreed and we got a new TV. My wife was happy, I was happy and it was all because I gave up on the little battle to win the big one.

Wife Rule #102

Close the cabinets.

This rule refers to a charming trait I get from my family. We leave cabinets ajar. So whenever I go get something I make an effort to close the cabinet, but I am often on my way to the next thing without checking to see if the cabinet has made it all the way closed.

My wife hates this. She is always concerned that she is going to bang her head or her foot on an open cabinet. Plus she says it makes us look like hicks to have a bunch of half open cabinets. So please when you are done, close the cabinets.

Wife Rule #1 Revisit

Wives are a big responsibility so make sure you are up for this lifetime commitment before you get one.

I am a deliberator. I think about everything forever before I make a decision. Even though I love my wife I took a long time to ask her to marry me. Not because I didn't love her, and not because I needed her to prove something to me. Just because wives are a big responsibility and I wanted to make sure I was ready.

Plus if I am going to deliberate on whether or not to buy a video game for a few days, shouldn't I deliberate for at least a month on whether or not I am going to get married.

Wife Rule #101

Don't do laundry everyday.

I am a compulsive laundry washer. I will put my laundry directly in the wash and after a couple days wash the load. My wife likes to load up a laundry basket with clothes and not do laundry until she is out of clothes.

One thing that I had to adjust to was changing my laundry habits so that my wife will not be annoyed at the fact that the washing machine is always running.

The Wife Rules 100th Post Extravaganza!

Today's wife rule: Don't do things wrong on purpose just to have material for your blog.

OK I admit it. I have been making some dumb mistakes lately. That is not unusual, what is unusual is that I have been making them on purpose.

I know you are shocked as was I when I realized I was doing it. But the fact is some days there is not an obvious wife rule to be had. That is why some of the wife rules seem like a stretch sometimes.

The worst part about making mistakes on purpose? My wife has been really understanding about each thing I have done wrong and has not been annoyed at me for my little mistakes. So really my intentional mistakes have all been for nothing.

The funniest thing about this post is that when my wife reads this, it will be the first time she hears that I was doing dumb stuff on purpose. I am sure I am going to get questioned with what dumb stuff I have done and I will let you know how it goes when my wife gets through with me.

In a bit of blog news, the wife rules will be going to two posts daily for the next 75 days starting tomorrow. I will be reposting wife rules 1-74 with the back stories so that all of you can have the complete picture. I hope you enjoy it. It should be fun.

The Wife Rules...now tweeting

Now you can follow The Wife Rules on Twitter.
http://twitter.com/TheWifeRules

Wife Rule #99

If you wife shows an interest in one of your hobbies, encourage her.

I am a gamer. My wife complains about this, but I think she secretly likes it because it means that she gets to read while I play my games. Today, we went out to dinner, (to celebrate 3 months of being married) then went to Borders for her to get some books, and finally we went to Best Buy to check some prices on some games.

As we pulled into the parking lot I told my wife that I was just running in to check a price and if she wanted to stay in the car I would not mind. She said she wanted to come in so that I would not buy anything, but also because she wanted to look at some games too. I was doubtful, but when we got in I encouraged her to check out any games that she thought she might be interested in.

We did not buy anything tonight, but by the time we left Best Buy my wife had a list of 4 games that she wanted and had encouraged me to get more games as well. I felt like I had struck oil, and it was all because I encouraged her to explore one of my hobbies

Wife Rule #98

When your wife and your dog collaborate on something cute, show them off.

My wife has recently entered a contest held by teen author Lisa Schroeder to submit a fun picture that involves Lisa's book in some way. My wife decided to pose our dog with Lisa's book and here are the results.

You can see her blog post here.

Wife Rule #97

Always plug your wife's blog.

My wife is amazing. She is an awesome teen librarian and she is perhaps the most talented blogger I know. She has some crazy amount of followers and she gets more visits in a week than I have had total since I started this blog.

Well, in a shameless plug for my amazing wife I would like all of you to visit her blog. She mainly reviews teen books and movies but I think there is something there for everyone. You can find her at www.greenbeanteenqueen.com or just click here.

Wife Rule #96

Don't let your wife watch something scary right before bed.

I did not make her do this but I let her do it. We watched a very creepy buffy episode right before bed and it gave my wife nightmares. Sometimes as a husband you have the be the voice of reason and take the lumps for looking out for you wife's best interests even if she doesn't want you to.

Had I not let my wife watch it right before bed we probably would have had a better night sleep.

The Wife Rules: Now on Facebook!

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Wife Rule #95

Don't make your wife watch something scary immediately after she wakes up.

This was a mistake I didn't make. My wife and I are watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer together because neither of us watch it when we were growing up. And not that Buffy is terribly frightening, but when my wife woke up I guessed correctly that she would not want to watch buffy first thing in the morning.

We wound up watching buffy after breakfast and had a good laugh at a mildly creepy episode but it never would have happened had i been rash and asked her to watch it earlier.

Wife Rule #94

Don't try to go for a walk around dinnertime.

I lead a life that a couch potato would be proud of. But in an attempt to try to lose weight and get back into shape I have been taking walks and jogs. Most of the walks and jog happen in the morning or afternoon, but the other day I wanted to take one in the evening.

It was dinnertime but my wife was going out to a late dinner with a friend so I thought it would be ok for me to slip out and go for a walk. My wife disagreed and said that even though she was working on something she would prefer me to stay home and talk with her. Apparently even when you are not eating dinner together, dinnertime is still together time.

Wife Rule #93

Don't tell your wife that you did not miss her.

The other day my wife came home and after complaining about work and checking up on all of my little tasks for the day, asked if I had missed her. I was not in the best of moods and I had spent the day working on the various projects so in an annoyed huff I said no.

Needless to say this did not go over well. So always tell your wife that you missed her.

Wife Rule #13 Revisit

Do not start a major project at night unless it is absolutely necessary, it will get interrupted.

Wife Rule #92

Don't tell your wife that her dog does not love her.

This one goes out to all of the pet lovers out there. My wife and I argue over who our dog loves more. I say our dog loves my wife more and my wife thinks our dog loves me more.

Well during a playful spat about the dog's relative levels of love for the two of us, I said to her: "No wonder your dog doesn't love you." And what was playful went to sad and hurtful.

While we were still joking about it, that comment sucked some of the fun out of it. Not a huge deal but worth noting.

Wife Rule #91

If you are going to make dinner for your wife make sure you make something that she likes.

The other day I had to get up early to make dinner for my wife. I had to put it in the crock pot to cook all day so that when she got home from work it would be perfect. I had two options for what to make: beef stew or pot roast. I choose beef stew. Mistake!

I knew my wife did not like beef stew. But I assumed that because the beef stew recipe was almost identical to the pot roast recipe that it would not matter. Wrong, it did matter and my wife had to make herself something else for dinner. Oops.

Wife Rule #90

Don't try to blame gaseous releases on the dog.

While I have been raised to be a gentleman about things like this, occasionally things do slip. It is better to take responsiblity for it and take your lumps than pass it off on the dog.

Sure she may be polite and not say anything, but she will know the truth. It will only be a matter of time before you hear about it if you try and blame the dog.

Wife Rule #89

Don't scare your wife when she is in the shower.

I am a jokester. It runs in my family and it runs in my wife's family so you would think she would be used to it. And in all fairness she has been very good about my jokes and pranks at her expense, mainly because I do them in the privacy of our home or when we are with families.

My latest jokes have all centered around the shower. We have a statue in the bathroom which has peeked over the top of the shower curtain much to her surprise. I have run hot water in the sink in the kitchen to make the shower cold, and she has been very good about these.

What she did not handle well was my reenactment of psycho. I snuck in and threw open the shower and she freaked out. She did not know if she had stepped on the curtain and ripped it, or if the shower curtain was falling, and seeing me suddenly appear pushed her just a little too far.

So after a heartfelt apology, she actually started laughing and was ok with it. I kissed her and closed the curtain so she could finish her shower. Of course before I left, I discretely turned the water in the shower to cold...

Wife Rule #88

When discussing potential hobbies to pursue, be honest.

If you are going to pursue something as a hobby you will have to spend a lot of time doing it. So be honest about your likes and dislikes. However you still have to be flexible and willing to try new things. Try a few new things before you make a decision and make sure you honestly tell your wife if you really love or really hate something.

Wife Rule #87

When you wife asks, "what is wrong with me today" during a bad day, she (probably) is not looking for an answer.

Yes I should have known better, but sometimes it is hard to tell when she wants an answer and when she is just expressing frustration.

There are times that your wife will actually want your opinion, but most of the time she is just frustrated and venturing an opinion will actually make things worse. A good rule of thumb? If she asks what do you think is going on then answer but be sensitive and constructive.

Wife Rule #86

If it is raining it is not your wife's job to take the dog out.

In the mornings our dog will do number one and number two before we go to work so normally my wife will take her out to do number one because it only takes the dog a second to finish her business. When it comes to number two our dog likes to circle and sniff for several minutes.

This morning when my wife and I got up it was raining. We both had to work so the dog would be locked up all day so she needed to go out. I needed to get to work first so I decided to take the dog out and let her go number one and then I asked my wife to take her out again to do number two.

When I took the dog out it was sprinkling rain and I thought that it would rain harder later but I thought we could both make it to work before the rain really started. Well as I was driving to work, it started pouring and I immediately felt guilty about setting my wife up for a thorough soaking right before work.

I should have been the one to take that hit, but I selfishly did not. It could have been bad, but fortunately my wife made it out with the dog just before the rain started so I was off the hook

Wife Rule #85

Don't leave important things in your wife's car.

I am an aspiring writer. I have been working on a fantasy book series since my freshman year of high school. Originally I used the writing to help me deal with teen angst, but over time it evolved into a story. I have been slowly adding to the story and developing the characters for almost ten years now and it was all hand written and kept in an old beat up notebook.

I have been slowly typing my notes for months and I had kept my notebook in my backpack while I was going to school so I could type them up in between classes. When I finished school I cleaned out m backpack and left my notes in my car. Then we had to bring my car into the shop (see Wife Rule #8) I had to quickly transfer everything in my car into my wife's car. Then we got busy and I forgot that my notes were in still in her car.

Two days before we left to go to Chicago we cleaned out the cars. I cleaned out my car and my wife cleaned out her car and, you guessed it, my notes wound up in the garbage. I was mad, my wife was mortified, but the damage was done and there was no getting the notes back. So there were too lessons to be learned, keep inportant things in well maintained storage spaces and don't leave important things in your wife's car.

Wife Rule #84

Don't leave important things in old and beat up containers.

Looking for the details? Check back tomorrow!

Wife Rule #83

Don't throw away your wife's leftovers.

My wife and I argue about one thing more than anything else. Is it finances? No. Whether or not we want kids? No. Where we will live after we finish our Masters degrees? Nope. We argue about food. I have food allergies and and a sensitive stomach. She does not eat red meat and likes to adventure eat. I don't mind eating my favorites over and over, she wants variety. I will throw together whatever we have in the house, she wants planned meals. I think you get the picture.

The one thing we agree on (at least when it comes to food) is Olive Garden. We both enjoy Olive Garden and the other night we went out for dinner at Olive Garden and after a delightful meal my wife brought home her leftovers with the plan of having them for lunch the next day.

Well we were going to be leaving for the ALA conference so we hadn't gone shopping in a while, and right before lunch I decided to clean out the fridge so that all of the old food would not sit and stink while we were gone. Well in the midst of my fridge cleaning fervor I accidentally threw away her leftovers with everything else. A huge fight ensued and I still hear about it almost 3 weeks later.

So please listen to me, don't throw out your wife's leftovers.

Wife Rule #82

Don't get frustrated when she tries to stuff you vacation full of plans.

My wife and I just got back from a vacation to see my family and go to the ALA conference. But before we left I was getting frustrated by her planning activities that did not involve being with my family. We had a couple of big arguments about it, because we both wanted the same thing but were taking two different paths to get there.

The fact of the matter is part of the fun of vacation is doing things you do not normally do. You can relax at home, so enjoy doing fun things on vacation. And if you are spending time with your family, keep in mind she probably wants to see them just as much as you do. That is, if your wife loves your family like mine does.

Wife Rule #81

If your wife does something that she feels bad about, teasing her is OK but know when to stop.

One of my wife's number one goals during the ALA conference was to get an Advanced Readers Copy of Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins. However she was overwhelmed by the size and scope of the conference and did not arrive at the correct booth in time to get one.

So in my infinite wisdom I spent the rest of the weekend teasing her.

Yes she laughed at first, and did not even mind when the joke was starting to grow old, since she was at an event that held her enraptured. For four days I was able to get away with it, but as soon as we left and I teased her she started to become cross. You have to know where the line is and realize that the line changes based on the situation.

Wife Rule #80

It doesn't matter if you have ADD, if you are standing in line on your wife's behalf don't leave.

Another adventure from ALA. I have ADD I cannot focus on anything for long. But the worst thing to me is standing or sitting still. At ALA there were a lot of long lines for book signings and other things. Because I was there as an extension of my wife I was expected to wait in these lines for her while she went about other business.

So I waited in line shifting from one foot to the other, shrugging my shoulders, looking around, whistling, singing to myself, chatting with others, and all in all being a general nuisance to those around me. But I got the things she wanted and her happy smile made it all worth the wait. Kind of.

Wife Rule #79

When your wife is excited about doing something it does not matter if you are sick. If you can stand you are going.

My wife was at the ALA conference this weekend and for two of the days I was supposed to go with her. On the morning of the first day I woke up feeling terrible, but i knew she was excited about me going with her so I sucked it up and went.

It was terrible. I felt so sick, but I did not want to ruin the day for her so I put on a stiff upper lip and she had a great time. She mentioned several times how much it meant to her for me to be there so my (semi)silent suffering definitely got noticed.

Wife Rule #78

If your wife has to wake up early, so do you.

This weekend my wife and I traveled to Chicago to visit my family. While we were there she went to the American Library Association Annual Conference for work. Each day she had to wake up at 6 AM in order to make the hour drive downtown and I got up with her each morning to see her off.

Even though my waking up served no real purpose, (we hit the snooze timer and woke up too late for me to maker her breakfast, and she really only had time to get ready and leave so its not like she even really got to see me) she really appreciated me making the effort to see her off.

Wife Rule #77

Do not leave packing until the day that you are leaving on a trip.

One of the things that I love about my wife is that she will start packing for a trip a couple days in advance. I however do not. I like to pack the last 10 minutes before we leave. I can't help it I obsess that if I pack in advance I will forget something. Of course I always forget something anyway, but my mental sanity depends on being able to pack the day of.

This habit annoys my wife. She will be packed and waiting to go while I am scrambling around the house looking for my Ipod. This is not to say that I am bad at packing or I am incapable of packing in advance, it is just hard on my OCD to do so.

Wife Rule #76

She did not marry you for your ability to quote movies and TV shows.

I am a quoter. I love quoting my favorite lines from movies and TV shows. I also enjoy enjoy doing really bad impressions. But my wife does not normally find these quotes as funny as I do. In fact she often becomes annoyed by my quoting. However, worse that just quoting is when I say something without citing where it is from. If she thinks that something I frequently say is my original quote and the she finds out that it is not she is not only disappointed by my lack of originality but she is also disappointed by my lack of wit.

A great example of this was a quote I frequently say about Yertle the Turtle. I call it, "possibly the best book ever written on the subject of turtle stacking." Then when we were watching the Simpsons and Lisa said a similar thing, I was busted and fessed up to taking that quote from both the Simpsons and Full House(which has another similar quote on the same subject.)

The solution may be to start small and try to go a whole weekend without quoting anything. We did this one weekend when we were still dating and she was so impressed with my natural humor that it actually took a long time for me to start quoting things again.

Wife Rule #75

Always listen to the wisdom of your mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law has been the greatest supporter of my blog from day 1. OK, not really day 1 because she did not start reading it until day 7 or 8. But she was always very supportive of the idea, even though I am blogging about my relationship with her daughter. However, she has always had one criticism, my posts were not long enough. She wanted more information on how the wife rule had come about. Well from now on the wife rules will have a the story behind each one, so I hope you enjoy them.

And to my Mother-In-Law,
thanks Mom

Wife Rule #74

If your wife is better than you at something you both do swallow your pride and listen to her advice.

Curious as to what this means? Check back tomorrow.

Wife Rule #73

Marriage sometimes takes sacrifices. Is it worth a huge fight to protect your 30 VHS movies from being given away? Probably not.

Wife Rule #72

Don't brag that you can do something better than your wife. If you can, she will not appreciate being reminded of your superior skill, and if it turns out you can't you will never live it down.

Wife Rule #71

If she drops a birth control pill down a chair just have her take the next one...you probably will not find the one she dropped and even if you do if will probably not be in edible condition.

Wife Rule #70

Sleep watching ESPN at 5 in the morning does not go over well

Wife Rule #69

Inform your wife if you are going to sleep out in the living room, or she might get worried when you never come to bed.

Wife Rule #68

Do not try to force your wife to play fantasy football or she will resent football all together if she has a bad season.

Wife Rule #67

Cleaning house is a team effort and like any team you have the players on the field and the manager who calls the shots. You are not the manager, she is.

Wife Rule #66

Always check the expiration date on your medication, because your wife will be annoyed and worried if you are still actively taking medication that has been expired for a decade.

Wife Rule #65

Making up after a huge fight is awesome.

Wife Rule #64

When celebrating Independence Day with her family enjoy yourself without pointing out the irony that you are imprisoned by her families holiday plans.

Wife Rule #63

If you are going to your favorite restaurant for the second time in a week, you had better expect to go to her favorite store and then her favorite restaurant within the next week.

Wife Rule #62

Sometimes getting nagged is exactly what you need.

Wife Rule #61

When your wife tells you that she wants you to buy frozen dinners for her to take to work, and then reminds you that she likes the frozen dinners with turkey, she does not mean to buy her 25 frozen turkey dinners.

Wife Rule #60

A thoughtful gesture only has meaning if there is nothing directly in it for you.

Wife Rule #59

Every joke has kernal of truth in it. Be careful how you use humor so that you do not hurt your wife with your jocularity

Wife Rule #58

If your wife tells you not to eat something but you do it anyway, don't expect her to feel sorry for you if you don't feel well.

Wife Rule #57

Cuddling is not optional.

Wife Rule #56

When planning a surprise, take into account personal hygene not just yours but everyones' who is involved.

Wife Rule #55

Even if your wife does not like public displays of affection, sometimes a little PDA can go the long way.

Wife Rule #54

It is the little things, like making the bed just how she likes it, that make a long term positive impact on your marriage

Wife Rule #53

Sometimes doing everything wrong can lead to you doing something right, if you are doing all of the wrong things in jest and she knows that you are just kidding.

Wife Rule #52

Calling your wife a "slug" is never a good idea. If she has a preferable family term like "queen of the dinks" use that instead.

Wife Rule #51

You're right is possibly to most romantic thing you can say to your wife.

Wife Rule #50

When she wants to post a status on your facebook the answer is yes.

Wife Rule #49

If you are going to use a picture to advertise your blog that is about your relationship with your wife, ask what picture she wants used.

Wife Rule #48

Follow up to Wife Rule #47: If you "win" the passionate argument and your wife has to do something that she does not want to do, help her do it but let her do it her way.

Wife Rule #47

If you are going to argue about something that you are both very passionate about, make sure you do not lose your head. Always know how far you can push the argument without hurting the other person.

Wife Rule #46

Always remember than in marriage you are part of a team. It is you and your wife against the world, and always make sure you have your wife's back.

Wife Rule #45

If you wife says that you can call her "my fatso wife" to make up for a slight that she said about you, DON'T DO IT! If you call her "my fatso wife" you will never hear the end of it.

Wife Rule #44

This one is similiar to Wife Rule #23 but if your wife admits that you were right about something, don't try to get her to admit to being wrong.

Wife Rule #43

No sentence should ever begin, "now I know my wife's hair usually looks kinda funny but..."

Wife Rule #42

You should never read your wife's newest issue of Cosmo before she does, but if you must read it make sure she does not find out about it.

Wife Rule #41

When you get bad news about your job it is perfectly acceptable for your wife to take the news harder than you do. Don't feel bad, you will get your time to be upset after you spend time helping her cope.

Wife Rule #40

Nostalgia is a powerful thing. It is very unwise to mock a cherished childhood pastime, memory, or tv show.

Wife Rule #39

Sometimes a frozen burrito can solve all of your marital issues.

Wife Rule #38

Yes I know she thinks that the Betty Crocker "Fudge Cake in a box" looks good, but convince her you will make her a real cake instead.

Wife Rule #37

Sometimes love can be something as simple as doing something that you hate to do, just so that you can be with that other person.

Wife Rule #36

The phrase, "are you ready to go to bed" is not a question. It is a statement that means, "go get ready for bed, because I want to go to sleep."

Wife Rule #35

Sometimes space is needed even within the marriage. Make sure you take time for your own interests.

Wife Rule #34

When your wife hands you her birthday money, don't spend it. Even if you spend it on things for her she will not be happy.

Wife Rule #33

Cuddling can be done with the TV on and the TV off, but make sure before you to turn on the tv during cuddling that your wife thinks that it is "TV on" cuddling time.

Wife Rule #32

One you get married the world is divided into three types of people: your wife, "funny looking men you used to be attracted to" (aka women), and men. You are only allowed to hang out one on one with your wife and men...never "the funny looking men you used to be attracted to."

To my regular readers...

Due to some site maintainance, the next origional post will come on June 7th. So if you think you have seen some of the recently posted wife rules posted on the site before...you are right.

Wife Rule #31

Anticipation is the key to happiness.

Wife Rule #30

When your wife says "I have the target giftcard" she means: she has the target giftcard. When she says "you have the target giftcard" she means: you had better have the target giftcard. When she says "we have the target giftcard" she means: I think you have the target giftcard. Don't go shopping for 45 minutes and discover that neither of you has target giftcard.

Wife Rule #29

It's ok to buy something that you want...as long as you buy something of equal or greater value for your wife.

Wife Rule #28

If your wife tells you that she wants you to chase your dream then you had better start working towards your dream. If you do not she may stop supporting your pursuit of the dream.

Wife Rule #27

Small technical details are rarely of interest to a wife. Updating and upgrading the new computer may be important to you but it should be done when your wife is not arround.

Wife Rule #26

Happiness is narrowing a decision to a few options that you can live with and then letting your wife make the final decision.

Wife Rule #25

One part of getting married is making compromises, so you may get to keep your sports stuff but a lot of it might have to be put away.

Wife Rule #24

If you blog about your wife make sure you acknowledge her in your blog on her birthday. I love you honey, Happy Birthday.

Wife Rule #23

It doesn't matter how right you are, if you try to convince your wife to admit that you are right you will end up being wrong.

Wife Rule #22

Never ask your wife to try to guess what present you are getting her, she will figure it out and it will be disappointing for both of you.

Wife Rule #21

If she asks what your favorite (fill in the blank) is, then you are supposed to have a clear favorite.

Wife Rule #20

When you go out to celebrate a major milestone or accomplishment in your wife's life, the evening should probably not include sporting events, video games, or any restaraunt that has a drive through or a "to go" option.

Wife Rule #19

"Don't expect any flowers from me...because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry." Oh and here are some flowers too dear.

(Quote from Bob and Tom's The Man Song)

Wife Rule #18

Apparently in the original language "husband" means human alarm clock and the title comes with all the responsibilities of a regular alarm clock. The most important thing to know about being a human alarm clock is that your snooze timer should never be less than 5 minutes and not longer than 30.

Wife Rule #17

If your wife brings home some baggage from work always side with her even if you do not completely agree.

Wife Rule #16

Unless the husband is deathly ill, mortally wounded, or dead it is never the wife's responsiblity to get up and take the dog out in the middle of the night. If you try to ask your wife to get up and take the dog out during the middle of the night you may end up either deathly ill, mortally wounded, or dead.

Wife Rule #15

If your wife has a favorite restaurant that you only like in moderation, the wise husband would only eat at that food establishment with his wife. Even if a coworker is generously offering to treat say no, because if you accept and go to the restaurant without you wife she will be A) jealous that you went without her and B) now hungry for that restaurant which leaves the husband in the situation that was covered in Wife Rule #14.

Wife Rule #14

When asked, "where do you want to go for dinner?" the wrong answers are "I already ate" or "I'm not hungry but I will come with you to anywhere you want to go,"

Wife Rule #13

Do not start a major project at night unless it is absolutely necessary, it will get interrupted.

Wife Rule #12

If you have the choice between cleaning the house and bringing your wife lunch at work the correct action is to do both.

Wife Rule #11

Do not blog when you could be enjoying marital bliss

Wife Rule #10

If your wife makes you late for church don't get annoyed with her, just enjoy the attention that you will get when you walk in after the service has started. If you make you wife late for church...God help you.

Wife Rule #9

When your wife wants to get books that she believes will strengthen the marriage, be supportive. Trust me, it will work out for your advantage if you are engaged in this process.

Wife Rule #8

It is always a good idea to take your wife to see movies that she is excited about...it is a bad idea to be late for the movie, belittle the movie (and have her hear you or have her hear that you were belittling said movie), or try to drop your car off for repairs before said movie.

Wife Rule #7

If your wife asks you to tape the season finale of her favorite show, don't try to tape it on the same VCR that messed the tape up the night before...even if you thought you fixed it. Make sure you set a backup.

Wife Rule #6

While pet names are cute and fun they do not replace the use of your wife's real given name.

Wife Rule #5

Being supportive to you wife's needs and interacting with her in a humble non-defensive way can defuse an argument and restore the balance of a relationship.

Wife Rule #4

If your wife says that she wants to reach a certain milestone in a video game before you, it is not an invitation to friendly competition, it is an ultimatum that you must not reach that point before her.

Wife Rule #3

Video game purchases (systems, games, controllers, magazines, subscriptions, gadgets, etc) are only acceptable with the expressed consent of your wife, and will only be warmly received if the video game is either A) earned through hard work and sacrifice, B) is something that has extreme long term returns, or C) if it is a game your wife wants and if she will play as much or more than you.

Wife Rule #2

Sometimes losing the small battle will let you win the war.

Wife Rule #1

Wives are a big responsibility so make sure you are up for this lifetime commitment before you get one.